Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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