"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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