I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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