Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
