Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
