I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
