at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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