God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
