Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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