how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
