So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
