Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
