A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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