i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch