Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
