my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
