I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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