Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
