Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
