Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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