I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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