Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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