ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
