my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
