Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
