shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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