Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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