he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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