I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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