I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
