I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
