so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I could fuck to npr.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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