She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
