OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
