I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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