Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
