the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
