you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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