I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize