I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
