thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize