I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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