the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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