I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
