why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
