I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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