My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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