I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As shirtless as possible
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
