Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
