I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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