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Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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