Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
