bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
