help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
