Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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