I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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