woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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