do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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