I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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