i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
