Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
