Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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