You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
