They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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