I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
