p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
