i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
