and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
